Jokes and Jokes

August 29, 2009

Continuing with the theme about laughing, here are some other sites I like to check up on regularly to get some good laughs.

Fun Times Had

and

Ebaumsworld

As promised, here are the rest of the jokes from the email. Hope you enjoy them!

– I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.”

-I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.

– Bad decisions make good stories

-Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do!

– Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.

-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous?

Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….

-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you’ve made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.

-There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

-I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

– “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever.

-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’

-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail.

What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?

– I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

-When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles…

– As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

-Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.

-I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what do to with it.

For some reason, most of these remind me of kelly……………….

-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time…

-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?

-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.

-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

When was the last time you had a good laugh? I’m talking about a hearty, genuine, stomach pain causing laugh that puts you on your ass, cracking up like a hyeena! You ever find yourself in such a good mood after a laugh like that, that even just looking at the people you were with at the time makes you start to giggle?

Research has shown that laughing is in fact, beneficial for your health. Laughter is helpful in relieving stress and tension, relaxing the muscles in the body, and even boosting your immune system. It releases pleasure-inducing endorphins that improves one’s overall well-being as well!

Recently a friend of mine sent me an email with a whole bunch of random and humorous thoughts and jokes. There are quite a few so I’ll leave you with some now and will make another post with the rest of them! I hope you enjoy and remember to SMILE and LAUGH as much as you can, for your own good😉

For more information about the benefits of laughing, please follow this link:

Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor

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Hope you get a good laugh!🙂

– I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.

– More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.

– Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

– I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter?

– Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?

But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.

– That’s enough, Nickelback.

– I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.

– Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know”

feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

– Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft.

– There is a great need for sarcasm font.

– Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.

– I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it.

– How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

– I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

– I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.

– A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

– Was learning cursive really necessary?

– Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.

– I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

– Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.

– My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro.

– Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.

– How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said?

– I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

– Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies”

-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

– While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.

– MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

– Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

– I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

– Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

Travel balcony-1

Do you ever feel trapped in the cycle of the tedious 9-5 day in and day out? Looking for a change in you life or perhaps a little adventure? Maybe want to hit the road for a bit of worldly exploration and self discovery?

The documentary, A Map For Saturday, is based on the backpacker travel culture, as a young former HBO exec decides to quit his job and travel for a year around the world. It documents the nomadic lifestyle of backpacking globetrotters and the flood of diverse emotions they encounter as their trips move like a book from one chapter to the next. It shows how people of all ages and many different backgrounds heed the call to take to the road and embark on their own distinct journeys around the globe. What is discovered is that each different experience is so special not just because of the places, but because of the people in those places at that particular moment in time.

It’s definitely a reminder to those who have experienced the wonder that is in traveling, yet maybe also inspires those who have not yet felt the freedom of long term travel and long to see the world. In my own personal experiences, there is nothing so exciting as traveling the world with a backpack and a free spirit looking forward to every new day. I think the drawbacks of coming home can be lessened by continuing with the spirit of discovery wherever you are at. It can even be back home in your own familiar settings – maybe in discovering new people, cultures, or places within your city that you don’t know yet.

I think that traveling is great for the soul. To see the similarities and distinctions between various cultures and to understand that the world is not so different and people are just people no matter where you go. All journeys will be different because I truly believe that it’s a dynamic mixture of time, place, and more importantly, the people that make travel so exciting every time.

Faces & Stories

July 31, 2009

Bus Ride Home

Everyday we come across hundreds of different faces. Be it riding the underground subway, walking down the posh main avenue of the city, or the delivery boy with your late night Chinese dinner.

Each one has a story to tell.

Some are more striking than others. Others tend to blend in with the crowd. Do you ever stop and wonder what they have going on in their lives and what events or decisions have led up to this specific point in time? Maybe what they do and how they act is a reflection of the cards that life has dealt them.

I often find myself pondering these sort of questions. Sometimes we as a society tend to judge people based on what we see, rather than trying to understand the motives behind people’s actions. Sometimes these judgments lead us to conclusions that are sometimes true, but a lot of times is merely speculation. At times its just plain old curiousity about PEOPLE and the joys and struggles they face everyday.

This all came to mind while I was sitting in the living room of a large hostel type house. The maid cleaning the living room, after the wild party the night before had left stains, dirty cups and cigarette ash everywhere, had to be well into her 70’s. Her wrinkled skin, thick prescription glasses, and soft and kind demeanor reminded me of my own grandmother back home. I felt a bit of sadness as I saw her struggle as she hustled up and down the stairs dragging along with her a mop and bucket of cleaning supplies. It kind of troubled me that a woman at her age had to work so hard to clean the mess of carefree youngins, when she should be at home relaxing with her family and enjoying the golden years of her life. But alas, life is not fair for everyone. What circumstances led her to this point having to work hard day in and day out – is it a situation that she was born into or did things happen along the way that brought her here? On the other hand, I saw a strong and determined woman set on providing for her family any way she can.

Life isn’t always fair for everyone, but we do the best we can, even as others go about their day without notice or appreciation for what they have. I guess that’s the best thing we can do – keep living our lives the best we can and appreciate every moment we have for as much as we think we have it bad, it could always be worse.

As the saying goes, “Try walking a mile in another man’s shoes” before you judge someone else.

IMG_7185 - Copy

Dancing in the rain

When it rains, it pours. Isn’t that how the saying goes?

Metaphorically speaking, when things go bad – they go really bad.

But when did rain become synonymous with calamity? Of course there are the draw backs to rain – slippery roads, difficult commutes, limited outdoor activities. But rain, in moderation, is definitely something to be celebrated. Lately it has been raining hard with thunder and signs of snow here in Buenos Aires. It got me noticing how the rain impacts the city and how the people respond to it. My observations concluded with mixed reviews. Some lavished in it and enjoyed relaxing to the sound of the rain drops, while others would be slipping and sliding in their own gloom, cursing the sky as if there was a rain god above to blame for the unfavorable weather.

If you look at a cultural view of rain, in some places it is celebrated as it brings drinking water, life to the harvest, and fills the rivers and lakes to sustain the land and population. For that same reason, rain is viewed as good luck on wedding day as it is believed to be a sign of prosperity and stability. Likewise, when it rains on New Year’s Eve it signifies the cleansing of all the mistakes, regrets, and blunders of the past 365 days and a clean and fresh start to the New Year.

It’s interesting to notice how changing one’s perspective on a gloomy day can change the outcome. Equally, changing the way you view bad luck as it comes – not letting a bad attitude lead you to further bad fortune can help you to enjoy the day more as well as have a clearer mind to see the positives that are out there and find some resolution to any troubled predicaments you might find yourself in.

Instead of staying inside all day accepting “defeat,” go out and embrace it. Learn to accept things for what they are – as they say here in Argentina “es como es” – it’s what it is. Instead of innately viewing something as negative, change your perspective and see it for what it could possibly become. Go out and dance in the rain. Take a moment to free yourself of your worries and think simply. Then make it better!

Switch the saying around and be thankful for the rain because thinking on the contrary, when it rains it pours with the good as it does with the bad. If you change your perspective, your state of mind – then you can change your world.

Here is an interesting video I found about some people who found it raining, but kept dancing through it all.

A photo can capture not only an image, but many other things.

Like emotions, hopes, ambitions, desires. It can tell stories of a time and place. It is raw and innocent. It is harsh and honest. It is a medium for photographers to convey their perspective on the way they see life and can be interpreted many ways by many people.

I was always inspired by photography as it often reminded me that there is more than just the world that I saw. It brought me back down to earth and it made me appreciate seeing other angles to life that I hadn’t noticed before or been exposed to.

It’s a powerful medium of expression, be it simple or abstract. One does not necessarily have to journey to far off lands to find the extraordinary shot. Be it sailing on the open oceans or at a backyard barbecue, photographic art can be found any and everywhere are you.

Photography has long since been a passion of mine. It has always been a way for me to capture those special “kodak moments” memories to look back on and reminisce. I encourage you to start taking photos of your daily life. You might be surprised at how much beauty you will find once you are more open to seeing it.

There are many different photo hosting sites you can use such as Shutterfly and Flickr.

I have a portfolio of photos myself, which I intend to share and sell through another site I use:

http://michaelcando.zenfolio.com/

Here is a video I saw on youtube that gives many great examples of photos taken by the average joe that are quite impressive.

Good luck capturing those special moments.

Sundays

July 12, 2009

A Sunday Afternoon - Copy

The weekend has officially arrived. You’ve been waiting all week for it! Friday finally kicks off after you get off work or school and the mentality shift begins.

At last you can put on your dancing shoes and enjoy life as it was meant to be! And isn’t it funny how it takes forever for Friday to arrive…..yet as quickly as you start to enjoy it you find yourself counting down the hours til Monday!?! Before you know it, it’s already Sunday. Sometimes waking up in a haze from the blur that was your Friday and Saturday and dreading the week ahead.

I discussed this with one of my students, who has his own graphic designs company. He told me that Sundays he can’t seem to get any good sleep due to the running thoughts of work and other responsibilities.

Maybe it’s just the way we are used to thinking because of the infamous “Case of the Mondays” mentality that many develop while caught up in the vicious 60 hour a week work cycle. Or maybe it’s just being worn out from the late night partying and galavanting with a care-free mentality, relishing in the weekend freedom!

Technically speaking, Sunday is still the weekend. Yet many have associated it with anxiousness and uneasiness for the coming week instead of soaking in Sunday and enjoying everything about it; after all it is the day of rest.

For me personally, Sunday has sort of become my sanctuary from all the activities, pending responsibilities, and daily stressors that could easily consume my day. Instead, I try to take good care of myself – have a good breakfast, open up the windows and let all the sun come in, go for a walk around the neighborhood. The little things that make the day more cheerful. I encourage you to let the light in on your Sunday. Relax and stretch out your legs. Smile more and go outside and see the faces of people on the street. Do they look happy or are they worrying about the days ahead?

Have some wine, maybe dinner with friends. Go watch the sunset from a nice viewpoint. Whatever it takes to make the end of your weekend actually look forward to the upcoming week. In fact, Sunday has become my favorite day of the week. For me in Buenos Aires, it means waking up to birds chirping, music from the Sunday fair heard on the streets, and waking up after sleeping in to some coffee and biscuits. Just knowing that although responsibilities lie ahead, finding your peace in the day and doing whatever it is that  puts you at ease is what the day is all about.

Enjoy your Sunday!

Life is like a roller coaster. We encounter each day with its ups and downs and try to get through it in one piece. Or do we all???

Sometimes we forget how lucky we really are with different things we have going on in our lives. From time to time we have to slow down, step back, and realize how all the little things in life really fit the bigger picture. In the grander scheme of things, we should all learn to accept and appreciate every new experience and try to draw the lessons and positives from it.

This is a poem I read back when I was in college that had an impact on me at that point in my life, as I began to surround myself with positivity and pursue what made me happy.

It’s written by a girl who had a terminally-ill disease in New York. She wrote this from the hospital and I hope you can find the meaning in it for you!

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?
When you ask, “How are you?”
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done
Do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?
You’d better slow down
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

Ever told your child,
We’ll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time
To call and say “Hi”?
You’d better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won’t last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift…. Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over

The Beginning

July 5, 2009

In my attempts to dig deeper into my mind’s random yearnings to learn, inspire, and explore the endless interests of a young bohemian discovering the world as it changes from day to day,  I find myself here. To post the latest and greatest new thoughts and revelations through culture and lifestyle – music, film, travel, food, health, and so on and so forth.

Here I will share what I see and hear of what’s of most interest in the avant-garde world we live in. Hope you enjoy!